"Don't be so hard on yourself, Humiliation is the name of the game"

I don't know how to do "a little bit" of anything. I'm never "kind of" happy, I'm fucking elated. I'm not "kind of " rude, I'm an unstoppable asshole. I'm not "kind of" mad, I'm in a rage. Etc. I'm not quite sure why this is so, but Its impossible for me to have it any other way. I've tried, and failed. I'm one of the nicest people I know. Arguably too nice, in fact. Maybe its because of the simple fact that I can't do a little of anything. I'm not quite sure. I also don't take to many individuals, and when I do, I feel such an affinity for them that I would do anything for them. I'm like a perfect dog. which is why I've been surrounded by my closest friends for so long, and we all look out for eachother. I haven't made "new" friends in so long that I forgot how to do it. I've known everyone in my life for so long. Idk, its almost like when you go from having a ton of best friends to none, you assume that anyone you connect with can fill the best friend void. They really can't. And I end up feeling retarded, For thinking so. I also don't get along with girls, and guys are very good at mistaking my friendliness for flirting. Its really not. But whatever. Shit happens, then you die. Idgaf, all day long.

I HAVE A.D.D. I know it

I have always been fascinated by everything, because I think everything has a unique beautiful characteristic. Each soul and energy should be appreciated for the mere fact that it exists with you. For a while though, I lost my desire to look for it. Even being in what really is the most beautiful and lively city in the United States, I wasnt finding it. until today. I dont know how, or why, but i just opened my eyes, and remembered. That sounds dumb, but I feel so refreshed.
Im getting another tattoo in a couple of weeks, this will be number three. I am not 100% on what Im getting yet, still debating, but as soon as I get it i shall post a pic :] but until then I am going to keep it under wraps.
I also had a friend who I am still somewhat friendly with. I spent a couple of my teenage years hanging out with her and she was out of control for a while (as was I but thats not the point, because I always knew I would be alright). but basically she was the last person I would think would have her shit together, but since then, I have seen her have a life changing experience, and though I dont talk to her directly, I know she has changed her life around completely. and its really nice to see. and it gives me hope that no matter how bad it gets, its up to me to make it right, and it is possible to make it right. what ever "it" may be. you know? i dont know, but I am proud of her.
I just had the biggest bowl of spaghetti ever. that was a mistake. ew.
This has been the most add post ever. i think i am done.